So You Had a Bad Day
By George “Chip” Hammond
“O God, you know my folly; the wrongs I have done are not hidden from you . . . Deliver me from sinking in the mire; let me be delivered from my enemies and from the deep waters. Do not let the flood sweep over me, or the deep swallow me up, or the pit close its mouth over me. Answer me, O LORD, for your steadfast love is good; according to your abundant mercy, turn to me. Do not hide your face from your servant; for I am in distress; answer me quickly! Draw near to my soul, redeem me; ransom me because of my enemies! You know my reproach, and my shame and my dishonor.” (Psalm 69:5, 14-19).
Shame.
We feel the sting of the word deeply, but what does it mean? “Shame” is an objective reality, or a subjective sense, of being morally inferior.
Shame may be objective, that is, a moral inferiority that is a reality, regardless of whether one feels shame or not. That the Ashanti Empire in Western Africa kidnapped people from neighboring tribes to trade them as slaves for European goods was a shame on that nation. That Portugal, Spain, France, England, and Holland engaged in such commerce with the Ashanti to provide human capital for their new world colonies was likewise shameful.
Shame may also be subjective, that is, one may feel the weight of a moral inferiority with the attendant feelings of worthlessness. Such shame may be artificial (people may feel shame when they have nothing to be ashamed of), or it may correspond with reality (a person may feel shame when he or she has done something shameful).
Shame owes its existence to sin. God created humankind in a primordial pair. He provided for them all they needed for abundant life and created in them a tremendous potential to fulfill what it meant to be made in the image of God (Genesis 1:26-29; 2:7-15) by responding to God in loving faith (Genesis 2:16-17). That they instead chose to distrust God and listen to a contradictory voice to find fulfillment was shameful (Genesis 3:4-6). It resulted in a subjective sense of shame, a feeling of worthlessness due to moral inferiority, which caused them to hide from each other and from God (Genesis 3:7-10).
This is what a sense of shame does. While someone may do something shameful but feel no shame to their spiritual detriment (see Jeremiah 8:12), those who feel shame want to hide. Shame is the sense of wanting to “crawl under a rock” or “crawl into a hole and die.”
There are times when you (we all) do things that are shameful. If you are at all spiritually sensitive, you feel ashamed at such times. And this sense of shame causes you to want to hide, doesn’t it? It causes you to want to hide from others and from God.
Let’s take as an example a father who has had a particularly difficult day at work dealing with particularly difficult people. The things he’s put up with all day are truly unfair and unjust. When he gets home he encounters, not a peaceful respite from the nonsense he’s had to deal with all day, but a rancorous dispute caused by one of his children due to her own foolishness for which she ought to have known better.
Rather than looking to restore his daughter in a spirit of gentleness (Galatians 6:1), rather than accepting his daughter as Christ has accepted him (Romans 15:7), that is, even with his sins and flaws, he blows up. In doing so he brings peace, but it is not a peace born out of love and reconciliation, but a peace born out of fear.
And then it’s time for family devotions. Dad’s great temptation at this point will be to avoid the activity. He might say that it’s because he’s angry, but in fact it’s because he’s ashamed. He does not want his soul to be naked before his family, and he certainly does not want to be in God’s presence.
His great temptation is to hide. That hiding may take several forms. He may “have to rush out and not have time” for devotions or prayer that night. He may say something like, “Let’s just all read our own Bibles and pray silently by ourselves tonight.” Or he may shift the blame (see Genesis 3:11-13) to others as the reason why he must avoid God that night. The sense of shame (moral inferiority and a feeling of worthlessness) corresponds with the reality that in fact he has morally failed. I’m using dad as an example here, but it could be mom or anyone else in the household.
What’s the remedy for this shame? If we approach it from the standpoint of mere human psychology without reference to God, we might say that “time heals all wounds.” Given enough time the sense of shame will diminish. Or we might sooth consciences by convincing ourselves, “Everyone has a bad day, and I have fewer than most people; by comparison I don’t really have anything to be ashamed of.” This may alleviate of the subjective sense of shame, but the objective reality of the shame – the real moral inferiority – remains.
Sometimes Christians approach their bad days this way, but it’s not really helpful. Imagine a married woman who has an extramarital affair but who does not want her marriage to end. Deeply ashamed he says to her husband, “I won’t do it again. Let’s just forget it happened and move on.” She’s hiding. And much as it may soothe her conscience if it’s not brought up to her again, under those circumstances her relationship with her husband will never be right again. The stain of moral inferiority has never really been dealt with.
Hiding and then rationalizing might have been our only means of maintaining our sanity in the face of shame, were it not for the fact that because of our sin and shame, God out of his great love sent his Son into the world for us. The Son came to assure us of the Father’s great love for us, and to provide a real remedy for our shame. On the cross the Son of God bore not only our sins (1 Peter 2:24), but our despised shame as well (Hebrews 12:2).
This is the basis for being able to put away our shame without waiting for its feelings to fade from our memory. Dealing with our shame by waiting for the feelings to fade is an attempt at self-atonement.
Taking God at his word is an act of faith. And what does his word tell us regarding this issue? “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9).
John tells us that if we confess (rather than hide from or justify) our sins God is both faithful (faithful to himself and his own perfect character; see 2 Timothy 2:13), and just (because of what Christ has done he in no way has to deny his justice in response to a morally inferior act) to forgive us our sins (remove their penalty) and to purify us from all unrighteousness (we can really deal with our sin and begin to be changed).
Rather than run and hide, because of Christ, Dad can say to his family and to God, “My response to that situation was not right, and I ask you to forgive me,” and then with a clear conscience proceed to family devotions.
Shame is one of the Enemy’s best weapons against God’s people. It may be an unwarranted shame (see 1 Peter 4:16), but the most powerful weapon is the shame that arises from our sin. When you have a bad day (a euphemism for “you’ve sinned and really messed up”) you can almost hear the serpentine voice whispering “Run away! Hide! You’re worthless! God will never receive you; he’ll never tolerate you.” It seems like the right thing to do doesn’t it? Wouldn’t it be hypocritical of us to stand before God with the stain of moral inferiority?
This is why Jesus came. “You see, at precisely the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Rom 5:6-8) NIV). And this is how we can deal with our shame. “Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ . . . and this hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.” (Rom 5:1, 5)
A day is coming when the Accuser will be cast down. His accusations are often not false. You really did sin. It’s a sensitive but manipulated conscience that says, “You need to stay away from church, stay away from family devotions, stay away from Bible reading or prayer,” all of which amounts to “You need to stay away from and hide from God because of your shame.”
How do you overcome it? It is by truly relying on the atoning death of Christ to objectively remove your shame, and living and acting with boldness in faith. The Scriptures put it this way: “They overcame [the Accuser] by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony” (Revelation 12:11).
Martin Luther, the great Reformer with great flaws, said, “So when the devil throws your sins in your face and declares that you deserve death and hell, tell him this: ‘I admit that I deserve death and hell, what of it? For I know One who suffered and made satisfaction on my behalf. His name is Jesus Christ, Son of God, and where He is there I shall be also.’”
There is a real remedy for real shame and the feelings of shame that arise from it. His name is Jesus Christ. Trust him, and act accordingly, for your faith will be proven out by what you do. And shame will no longer have dominion over you.
